Check Out My 9 ways to eliminate these two yukkies below!
Does self blame feel like it's eating you up inside sometimes?
Do you often feel guilty over stupid little things?
A lot of times we end up feeling guilty over something that we didn’t even do or cause! Often we just think it is about us when actually it is nothing whatever to do with us! This is our own ego over thinking things and turning those mountains into molehills.
Story: I had a work colleague who I got on pretty well with. One day she just stopped talking to me and wouldn't acknowledge anything I said to her, even after I tried especially hard to be kind! She wouldn’t even come for coffee with me! I felt so bad racking my brains trying to figure out what I had said or done to make her angry.
I went over and over things in my mind and decided that it must be that she thought I was being critical the day before when I made a comment in the tearoom about the junk food her son was eating at a staff morning tea. I said something about her having a hard afternoon with him because he would be on a sugar high. It was said in fun, but because I couldn't understand her behaviour, I figured it must have upset her. I went around for several days feeling guilty about upsetting her and trying to figure out ways to make it ok again.
Turns out I discovered 4 days later, that she had had some not-so-good news from her brother (family stuff – nothing to do with me!!) that day and she was just trying to process it on her own and withdrew from everyone for a few days – not just me!
My ego got in the way of me seeing things from a wide perspective, so I thought it had to be all about me!
When I feel bad about something, I get this dull kind of yukky ache in the pit of my stomach and I just feel blah!
In the past it would just fester away there until other things happened to replace it.
Here's what I do now - face the yukky blah ache head on, think on it and get rid of it like this:
Stop whatever I’m doing and focus on it by asking myself what this feeling is about and where it’s come from.
If I’m certain I stuffed up and need to say sorry or fix something, I’ll go do it so I stop feeling blah.
Otherwise I ask the blah feeling to leave as it has no purpose with me. I then ask myself ‘what happier feeling do I want to replace the blah with?’ and invite it in.
It creates a sense of relief to be able to control your feelings, by facing them head on, checking them out and dealing with them however you need to.
You know, Buddhist people have no word or feeling for guilt. When asked about it the Dalai Llama said this:
Feel regret if you must - but only for 10 seconds! Then let it go, forgive yourself and move on!’
Here’s some ideas to help you manage those blah feelings:
Invite the feeling to come to you and sit with it. Befriend it and have conversation with it and ask:
What are you doing here?
What have you come to tell me?
What do I need to learn from you?
What message are you giving me?
Get honest and understand your feelings are ok and you do have the power to change them.
Journal your feelings and write down a new feeling to replace a negative feeling with.
Visualisation: Sit in a calm, quiet place, visualize who or what you feel blah about and ask
them to forgive. See forgiveness, yourself and the other person or situation covered in light, and then see yourself no longer burdened by your guilt.
Go for a walk in fresh air, stop regularly and breathe deeply several times - the bush or a park or the beach are great!
Have lunch or coffee with a friend.
Choose one friend or family member to confide in. They don’t have to fix you, they just need to be a good listener.
Exercise is highly beneficial in helping with blah-ness. Take the dog for a walk, put on some music and dance, or park the car and walk to the office
Make a list of 10 things you like about yourself in the back of your diary or on your phone and re-look at it each time you feel Blah!
The path to freedom is learning to sit still with your thoughts and feelings.